“Kim Jiyoung, born 1982”: Toxic yet normalised life of a woman

Have you ever noticed that when it comes to the things like housework, a man is described as helping women rather than equally participating in housework and raising the child? Many of us can think of it is ordinary but maybe that isn’t the way things actually should be.

Born in 1982 and given the most common name for Korean baby girls, Jiyoung (Jung Yu-mi), the quiet, second daughter of a traditional family where the father goes out to work while her mother stays home, observes and quickly normalises her life in a culture that prefers male children. When she is born, her paternal grandmother is disappointed because she had hoped for a boy. While she is expected to share everything from a room to a treat with her elder sister, her much-younger brother gets the best portions of food, better clothes, his own room, and obviously, more attention from their parents and grandmother. But it didn’t occur to the child Jiyoung that her brother was receiving special treatment, and so she wasn’t even jealous because that’s how it had always been.

Kim Do Young’s 2019 film “Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982” is actually adapted from a novel by a former TV scriptwriter Cho Nam-Joo by the same name. The novel was originally published in 2016, coinciding with South Korea’s #MeToo movement. It sold more than 1.3 million copies in the country with translation rights sold in around 20 countries. The book received endorsements from leading politicians and K-pop idols, leading to an increase in sales.

In 2017, a member of South Korea’s National Assembly bought copies of “Kim Jiyoung” for the entire legislative body. A politician of the Justice Party’s Roh Hoe-chan gave a copy to President Moon Jae-in with a note imploring him to look after women like Kim Jiyoung. When Seoul passed a new budget with additional money for child care, the city’s mayor promised that there would be “no more sorrow for Kim Jiyoung.” With all this hype and controversy, you might imagine the book and film are filled with bombastic content. Instead, its story is quite ordinary, and therein lies the point.

From childhood to adulthood, Jiyoung’s behaviour is always guarded by the male figures around her. From the elementary school teachers who enforce strict uniforms for girls, to the coworkers who install a hidden camera in the women’s restroom and post their photos online. Although she works hard, she never gets a promotion while undeserving male employees go places. In her father’s eyes, it is Jiyoung’s fault that men harass her late at night. In her husband’s eyes, it is Jiyoung’s duty to forsake her career to take care of him and their child to put them first.

Once she becomes a mother, she has to give up her career and independence to look after the child. Every day Jiyoung washes the clothes of her two-year-old baby and prepares breakfast for her husband. Then, she washes dishes and vacuums, with her baby around her arm. When her husband returns home in the evening, she bathes the kid and puts her to bed. She repeats this daily routine without a word.

She has to drive down from Seoul to Busan, where her husband's parents live, and manage cooking and serving at least two times a year, on Lunar New Year's Day and Chuseok, the Korean autumn harvest celebration. For her parents-in-law's birthdays every year, the same tasks are assigned to her. Nobody says she is sacrificing her career and her life; instead, friends and family point out she is just doing what she has to do. Ji-young, a mousy and timid girl, takes everything to heart. She doesn't complain of her hard work and sacrifice, but the failure has chipped away at her heart and mind. She needs an outlet that helps her speak out her feelings of anger, grief, or complaints.

Ji-Young is made to feel like an intruder anywhere outside of her home, and a slave to her housewife duties in the home. She is bullied and verbally abused by her mother-in-law for being a weak and incompetent housewife. If none of this sounds startling to us, it is because most women in Asia are in the same situation.

The movie’s slice-of-life style shows Ji-Young’s daily struggles even more. There are frequent quiet, alone and depressive shots of Ji-Young staring into space and sitting either at home or in a park sipping coffee, reflecting in serious contemplation of her choice of marriage and motherhood. We see how Jiyoung’s ordinary activities are draining her because of society’s microaggression and become the reason for her breakdown. Jiyoung starts to behave abnormally, as though she is being possessed by the spirits of other women, both alive and dead including her mother, and then has no memory of doing so. Kim Jiyoung is actually every woman. This is any housewife and mother in her 30s that you could walk past on the street. People still believe that marriage, pregnancy, and having kids make women a liability in the workplace.

The other side of the same argument has it that a woman with a career can't be a good wife and mother. As a result of such persistent beliefs, many women find themselves stuck at home, fulfilling what society dictates as their life's purpose, which is to bear and raise children while the men go to work to provide for the family.

Compared to other movies about feminism, sexism, and the #Metoo movement, the way it portrays its men was different. This is far from being man-hating, as some may expect. Jiyoung’s father is old-fashioned and is a traditional and conservative Asian father who suppresses his own daughters unintentionally and unknowingly just because he is carrying on what generations before him have done. While her father represents the past, Ji-young's husband Jung Dae-Hyun (Gong Yoo) is the present. He is supportive and caring, trying to improve his wife's mental health and make her happy. He’s the kind of ideal man who rushes home from work to give their toddler a bath and put her to bed.

Then there is the future, Jiyoung’s brother. Growing up together, he has enjoyed his fair share of favoritism and better treatment compared to his older sisters. As an adult, he realizes this injustice and takes the initiative to improve the situation and not repeat the trans-generational mistakes. He represents hope, and perhaps an image of what this film would like to find in a sympathetic audience.

Korean society has ingrained the notion that women must become mothers, while taking care of the household, or else they are seen as useless and damaged. However, once they fulfill this rigid expectation, they receive hate and humiliation for doing the “job” that they have been pressured to do for their entire lives. Korea’s toxic workspaces highly favor male employees and often look down upon female candidates. Maternity leave and motherly responsibilities are viewed as a “cost” to the company, which is why many companies avoid hiring women. Despite being one of the most highly educated countries, about half its working-age women stay at home and harsh stigmas exist around menstruation, pregnancy, and childbirth.

Overall, “Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982” is a two-hour wake-up call to men on the misogynistic challenges that women face on a daily basis. It shows really well how everyday small incidents are draining women from both inside and out. It also proves how Korean women are unable to live a peaceful life without societal pressures damaging their mental health like Jiyoung.

* Rumaiysa M Rahman is a 10th grader at Viqarunnisa Noon School and College, Dhaka