Raising a son or a prince

Even when men contribute financially by working outside the home, many remain indifferent to household chores. As a result, women are often compelled to manage most domestic responsibilities, which frequently leads to tension within the family.

A man’s upbringing plays a significant role in shaping this mindset. The following insights are based on an interview with Dr Tumpa Indrani Ghose, assistant professor of child, adolescent and family psychiatry and senior clinical fellow in the United Kingdom, conducted by Rafia Alam.

Everyone naturally seeks comfort and convenience within their home. However, this does not mean that one partner should shoulder all household responsibilities while the other enjoys complete ease. Marriage, after all, is a shared journey through life.

The belief that household chores are not meant for men is deeply rooted in societal norms and continues to be practised in many families. Yet, a family’s primary duty is to prepare a child for the various stages of life.

The first lessons of responsibility are learnt within the family. Whether the child is a boy or a girl should not determine the lessons imparted.

When raised appropriately, the child is more likely to share household responsibilities as an adult, reducing the likelihood of domestic discord. After all, a household belongs equally to both partners.

• As a parent, it is your responsibility to ensure your child’s comfort and well-being. However, shielding them from every task such as not allowing them to even lift a stick or pour water, is a grave mistake. Life will not always reward them like a fairy-tale prince who merely extends his hand to receive everything.

• Ensure your child does not grow up believing that someone else will always be there to handle everything in your absence. Raise your child not as a boy or girl, but as a responsible human being.

• Be a role model. Let your child see both parents sharing household responsibilities.

• Encourage participation in household chores appropriate to the child’s age. A small child may not be able to cut vegetables but can certainly help by bringing them over.

• Gradually teach your child to wash their own plate or tidy up their room.

• Do not overwhelm your child with excessive tasks; the goal is to develop a habit of helpfulness through small, manageable responsibilities.

• Always acknowledge and appreciate their efforts.

• Avoid gender bias when choosing toys for your child.

Love your child, but ensure that affection does not become all-consuming. If a child is not raised with a sense of balance and responsibility, it can lead to difficulties later in life.

• They may become self-centred.

• They might grow up assuming that everyone, everywhere, must fulfil their every demand and tolerate all their behaviour.

• They may struggle with emotional regulation.

• In adulthood, they could face serious conflicts with their partner over trivial matters.

A boy who grows up pampered like a prince may struggle significantly in married life. His unwillingness to share responsibilities can cause strain for his partner as well. However, it is not impossible to overcome this situation.

• The “prince” must possess a strong will to transform himself into a simple yet responsible individual. He should gradually take on household responsibilities.

• He must make a conscious effort to become a better version of himself.

• His partner should not comply unquestioningly with his every wish. She must establish clear boundaries; otherwise, future generations may absorb and perpetuate the same flawed beliefs.