Letters reflect joys and pains of a father-daughter relationship

The family was distraught when they heard that the fish feed was lost when the vessel capsized. The father took off his shirt and jumped into the water to save the consignment of fish feed. When he was back on shore, he found the money in his shirt pocket had all been stolen. Even then he went home with a smile on his face. After all, the anklets he had lovingly bought for his daughter were still in his shirt pocket.

Shilpi Akhter of Dakkhin Banasree in the capital, recalled this incident in a letter to her father.

She writes, "You have kept us wrapped by countless such happy memories. The hijal tree that you used to lean on and teach us how to swim, is still there in the same place. The hijal flowers float in the pond water in the morning, just like the old days. Everything is fine, only you are not here, Baba."

Md Sharif Uddin Ahammed, a father from Dhanmondi in the capital, wrote to his daughter things he never managed to say. He spoke of his ailing mother who has struggled with poverty. He feels he had got his mother back in his daughter. He writes, "Do not neglect people. Neglect kills a man before it is really his time. As a human being, the responsibility to protect the purity of this world, of this life is also partly yours."

Farhana Rahman of Chawk Bazar, Chattogram, writes to her physician father, of how she learnt lessons of responsibility from him. Her father was treating Covid patients during the pandemic and then contracted Covid himself and died.

In the book "Kotha Hok, Letters from Fathers and Daughters", 29 such letters appear.

The letters are replete with love, the pain of loss, aspirations for achievement, hurt, and anger, a myriad of emotions between a father and a daughter.

The book "Kotha Hok" was launched today, Friday (11 October), on the occasion of International Day of the Girl Child. All sorts of interactions between fathers and daughters came to light at the event.

The theme for the day this year is Girls' Vision for the Future. The event was organised at the Bangabandhu International Convention Centre by the United National Population Fund (UNFPA) and prothomalo.com.

Speaking at the event, UNFPA's acting representative Masaki Watabe said, it is necessary for the practice of gender equality to start in the family. Traditionally speaking, fathers wield more influence in a family. He can play a role by using this influence to create equality in the family, to ensure a daughter's education which remains a safeguard for a girl child.

Prothom Alo editor Matiur Rahman said, it has been 53 years that the country won independence. Yet girls still face intolerable hardships in their lives. Everyone has the responsibility to take care of girls. This calls for awareness and even more good initiatives.

'Celebrating Daughters' is a campaign run by UNFPA. Beginning in 2022 with the slogan, "My daughter, my future", this campaign's objective is to ensure women and girls are duly valued, recognised and celebrated at a family, society and state level.

Towards the end of 2023, with support of Prothom Alo, UNFPA took up the initiative 'Kotha Hok' as part of this campaign. This aimed at bringing forward interesting interactions between fathers and daughters by means of letters.

The campaign in 2024 reached about 8.4 million online users. Around 1.6 million readers learnt about this letter writing initiative. Then 29 letters were elected from among over 300 letters from all over the country, based on which the book, 'Kotha Hok, Letters of Fathers and Daughters' was published in Bangla and English. The book was edited by Syeduzzaman Rowshan and Khairul Babui.

Two letters from among these 29 were awarded as the best letters. One was by Fazle Elahi of Monohardi, Narsingdi. He wrote to daughter Tahiyat the letter titled, "Will you too not return one day?"

He wrote, " My own dreams have not taken flight yet, that is true as well. But my wish to achieve something, to prove myself, is still there. And I would not be so cruel as to leave you with the burden of fulfilling my dreams. I want you to listen to your own voice. Bring your own dreams into life."

The other best letter, 'Once there was an ordinary king', was written by Debasrita Paul Prachurja of Khilgaon in the capital. Each line of the letter was evidence of her love for her father. She writes, "'Don’t you have any son, only two daughters?’ Thank you for laughing off those questions and just holding us closer instead."

Letter expressing hurt and anger towards the father have also found place in this book. The 80-year-old Amena Khatun of Mirpur, Dhaka, has written a letter mixed with hate and love for her father.

When she was just 16 years old her father married her off to a young man working for Pakistan Airlines. When her father died during the liberation war, she left Karachi with her four children and came to Dhaka. Her brothers and sisters-in-law refused to take her responsibility and so her father wanted to marry her off again and divide her children up among the family members. Amena Khatun refused and her father, in the middle of the 1974 floods, took her and left her at her in-law's house.

That household was hostile too. She struggle singlehandedly to bring up her children. In her letter, 'Unbeaten by life's storms', she writes, "When people say on Father’s Day, ‘There are a lot of bad people in this world, but nowhere a bad father.’ It makes me bitterly laugh. Father, wherever you may be, stay well."

Sirajam Monira Mily of Uttara in the capital city in her letter hints that she married on her own accord. Because of that "mistake", her father did not contact her in over 20 months. She starts the letters with "Dear Father", and signs off as "your dead child".

A mother resisted a father's attempt to get their under-aged girl married off. The daughter, scared of her father, would study deep in the night. Her letter is full of anger that he father did not take care or responsibility of her like "other fathers".

Uttara's Umama Khaleda writes, " Baba, I am lifting the lid on the basket of all my grievances today. Let me talk. This way, let me slightly lighten my heavy heart, please."

Speaking at the panel discussion, the speakers said that half the girls in Bangladesh are facing child marriage, getting married off before they are 18. Child marriage leads to early pregnancy and risks increase for mother and child. Girls face mental and physical abuse. It is possible to ensure a good environment for girls by raising awareness within the family.

Principal of Pathshala South Asian Media Institute and media personality KM Harun said nothing that delivers a message if disrespect towards women should be given place by the media.

He said that the dramas of the neighbouring country present women in a negative light. This has an impact on the viewers in our country too.

Director of the Jatiya Grantha Kendra and writer Afsana Begum said the family must have the practice of extending all sorts of support to girls in order to take them ahead.

National Trauma Counselling Centre's head Ismat Jahan said, a friendly relationship between a father and daughter can take a girl ahead in life.

Student of Class 9 at Nalonda High School, Paromita De Manoshi, said in a patriarchal society a father is in a position of decision making. That is why if a father has love and support for his daughter, this boosts her self-confidence.

The book was launched at the event by the UNFPA deputy representative and Prothom Alo editor.

Afsara Zaman Pratibha, s student of Badrunnesa College, read out the letter, 'I no longer wear nupur'.

A video was screen on one of the awarded letters. The letters and photographs were on display outside the auditorium too.
Certificates and crests were presented to the writers of the 29 best letters. In the open floor session, a few fathers expressed their feelings and share their thoughts.

Priyanka Gope, teacher at Dhaka University's Music Department, and City College student Onuva Oishi presented songs at the end of the event. Ruhani Salsabil moderated the event.