Kapasia killings: How a man becomes the killer of his family

Killing another human being is not easy for humans, which is why people fire bullets from a distance — Dutch writer Rutger Bregman wrote in his book Humankind: A Hopeful History while explaining the psychology of human violence and war.

Yet sometimes a person sinks into such darkness that even the face of their own child cannot stop them. Then the killing hand rises not from afar, but from up close. The victims become the people closest and most familiar to them — those who trusted them as their final refuge. They are the ones killed.

The killing of a woman, her three children and her brother in Kapasia upazila of Gazipur last Friday has raised a disturbing question in many minds: why would a father kill his own children?

According to police and relatives, the father of the three children carried out the killings. After the murders, he reportedly phoned his brother and said, “I have finished everyone. You will not find me anymore.”

Relatives later went to the house and recovered the bodies. Yet local residents also said they had seen the man earlier that night taking two of his children to a nearby shop to buy them chips and chocolates.

A youth from the neighbourhood, Ariful Islam, said, “This incident has shaken the people across the country. We cannot understand how a father could do such a thing. What kind of brutality is this?”

Like Ariful, many people are finding the news impossible to comprehend. Normally, a father is willing to sacrifice even his own life for his children. Most fathers want their children to be safe, well-fed and raised properly. Many hide their own suffering while fighting for their children’s future.

So when that same father kills his own children, the incident no longer remains only a matter of law — it also becomes a question of psychology.

Famous psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud explained the human mind through three layers — the id, ego and superego. The most primitive part of the human mind is the ‘id’. It is the source of human desires, impulses, anger, lust and immediate urges. The id seeks instant gratification and pays little heed to social rules or morality.

The ‘ego’ operates from the standpoint of reality. It tries to mediate between human instincts and external reality. The ‘superego’, meanwhile, represents moral consciousness, giving people a sense of right and wrong.

Various psychological explanations suggest that when a person endures prolonged frustration, marital conflict, suppressed anger or mental pressure, their ability to control themselves may gradually weaken. Emotions, rage or intense desires can then begin to dominate behaviour.

However, psychologists also say that no single theory can explain a killing. Mental, social, economic and personal factors may all work together behind incidents of domestic violence.

Psychiatrist Ahmed Helal Uddin told Prothom Alo that killings are generally divided into two categories: planned or premeditated murder, and impulsive murder, carried out in a moment of emotion, anger or extreme mental agitation.

According to the psychiatrist, it is not yet possible to say with certainty which category the Kapasia incident falls into. He said it would be wrong to draw conclusions about someone’s mental health based on a single act. Instead, a person’s overall mental condition, behavioural history and other factors must be examined through what psychiatry calls a ‘mental assessment’.

Helal Uddin said some mental illnesses or conditions may also be linked to violent behaviour. A person suffering from psychosis, schizophrenia or substance dependency, for example, may exhibit extreme violence. However, it cannot be said whether any such factors were involved in this case without proper investigation and assessment.

Referring to the Kapasia incident, the psychiatrist further said that prematurely declaring someone mentally ill could influence the investigation. It also carries the risk of downplaying the seriousness of the killings.

Those killed in the Kapasia incident, as well as the man accused of the murders, were all originally from Gopalganj. The accused had been living with his family in a rented house in Kapasia for the past five years.

The man worked as a driver. His brother-in-law worked at a factory in Gazipur. The 40-year-old man’s wife was 30, while their three children were aged 15, 8 and 2.

According to relatives and neighbours, the man had long been involved in marital disputes with his wife, allegedly because he wanted to marry a second time. Neighbours said they would often hear the couple arguing.

There have also been allegations that he assaulted his wife several months ago. The beating was reportedly so severe that she had to be admitted to hospital. She later returned to her parents’ home before eventually being brought back.

After returning, the woman reportedly told her husband, “I have nowhere to go with three children. I will stay with you.” Within those words were an attempt to hold the relationship together, anxiety over her children’s future and a plea to preserve the family. But in the end, it all fell apart.

Police recovered a handwritten note beside the bodies, addressed to Gopalganj Sadar Police Station. Investigators believe the writing may have been by the fugitive suspect, and it reportedly contained several allegations against his wife and her family.

Although no firm conclusion can be drawn before the investigation is completed, psychology suggests that after committing a crime, people sometimes try to protect themselves, shift blame or present the incident differently. Some of such behaviour may be conscious, or it may stem from the subconscious mind.

Meanwhile, many are viewing the suspect’s phone call to his brother after the killings — in which he reportedly confessed to the crime — as an expression of guilt. He allegedly told his brother, “Everything is over for me. I’ve killed everyone. You won’t find me again.”

Explaining the psychology behind contacting a relative after a killing, psychiatrist Ahmed Helal Uddin said a person’s mental state before and after such an act is not the same. The intense anger, resentment or emotion that may exist before the killing, often subsides afterwards.

Feelings of guilt, fear or psychological pressure can emerge in its place. In many cases, people contact someone after committing a crime in an attempt to relieve mental stress or ease inner turmoil. He said this could also be described as an emotional catharsis.

According to psychologists, many perpetrators of extreme violence suddenly return to reality after the act. At that point, feelings of guilt, panic, remorse or even self-destructive thoughts may take hold. This is also why, in some cases, perpetrators die by suicide after committing murder.

Explaining how marital conflict can escalate into murder, Professor Sadeka Halim of the Department of Sociology at the University of Dhaka told Prothom Alo that domestic violence does not usually arise overnight. Prolonged resentment, marital discord, mental stress and strained relationships can gradually lead to devastating outcomes.

Professor Sadeka Halim said that in closed family settings, dissatisfaction and anger often build up over a long period. This may occur between husband and wife, or among other family members. Such suppressed emotions can sometimes give rise to violence.

In her view, although incidents of domestic violence are increasing in the country, effective social initiatives to prevent them remain limited. Some seminars and counselling services do exist, but they are largely confined to specific sections of the society. Psychological support rarely reaches low-income or marginalised families.

Economic pressure, rising living costs, substance abuse and family tensions are intensifying mental instability. In such circumstances, many people seek emotional refuge outside the family through relationships, second marriages or other means, but these too often create new conflicts and crises, she added.

Sadeka Halim also emphasised the role of families, society, neighbours and religious leaders in addressing such domestic crises. In her words, when conflict arises at home, other family members often take sides rather than remaining neutral, which deepens the crisis even further. She said it is essential to create space for counselling and empathy.

However, she stressed that no psychological explanation can justify such killings. Rather, incidents like this serve as a reminder that domestic unrest, marital conflict and mental strain must never be underplayed. When human judgement is overtaken by darkness, even the safest home can turn into a place of horror.