And that's why we have Women's Day

Last year Bondhushava, a youth platform of Prothom Alo readers, arranged an event on Women's Day where I was asked to speak, along with some of my women colleagues. I had mentally fixed my presentation, but before we spoke, some of the Bondhushava members voiced their thoughts on the occasion. A question raised by one of the girls there made me completely change what I was to say. She said she saw no point in Women's Day and that it simply served to separate women from the mainstream. She said if we claim to be equal to men, why should we have a special day? Why should there be a Women's Day?

A relevant question indeed and a commonly asked question too. While my colleagues spoke, I took time to ponder on this point she had raised. Then I gave my answer. This Women's Day I have decided to pen down the reasons I find Women's Day very relevant, despite the strides that have been made by women in Bangladesh and the rest of the world.

Why Women's Day? I reply from my personal experiences because I know these experiences are not mine alone. These are faced by most women, in varying degrees and circumstances, sometimes overtly and sometimes in a more subtle nuanced manner.

First, let me go back in time, a celebration of motherhood. This concerns the birth of my first child. This was to be the first grandchild of the extended family and so everyone was excited. My child was born. Needless to say, I was thrilled. We all were overjoyed. Then an aunt entered the room, took one look at my beautiful baby and shook her head in regret. Then she patted my hand reassuringly, "Don't worry, next time it will be a boy."

Enough said.

That is why we need Women's Day.

Second tale to tell. Two years later I was having my second child. The child was born. We were all thrilled again. Enter the very same aunt, the same inquisitive look on her face. She took one look at my second offspring and raised her hands in prayer. "Bongsher bati!" she murmured, implying that now finally a boy was born to carry on the family name.

Enough said.

That is why we have Women's Day.

I wonder what that aunt, had she been alive today, would have said if she saw how that male heir is now happily married to a chartered accountant and since he comes home from work before her, he does the cooking and has a hot meal ready when she returns from work. I am proud.

I am proud that my daughter is a successful publisher, building her career steadily and successfully, household chores being a natural part of life, but not her raison d'etre.

Since I am delving into personal accounts to argue why Women's Day is indeed still very relevant and needed, let me relate another incident. This time it's about my elder sister, a die-hard feminist, one of the pioneering women of reproductive health in Bangladesh. She had some relatives staying over at her house over the weekend and one of them was a four-year-old nephew of whom she was very fond. He was attached to her too and during that weekend, she fed him, bathed him, told him stories, played with him and put him to bed at night. Weekend over, she was getting ready for office when he walked into her room. Upset to see she was preparing to go out, he said petulantly, "Where are you going?" She replied, "To office." He looked confused. "Meye loker abar office ki?" he asked, in other words, "But you are a women! Why will you go to office?!" My sister laughed, but later gave his mother a long lecture on upbringing!

Enough said!

That is why we have Women's Day.

I am sure all women, and men too, have similar stories where unconsciously we relegate women to certain stereotypical roles, and we forget to think outside that gender box.

The broad issues are many and widely discussed. There is disparity in wages, discrimination in the family, psychological conditioning, discrimination in job opportunities, in education, in society... the list goes on.

Such mindsets are often propagated by the media, and not just in Bangladesh and the developing world. Even when a top international news journal like the Economist wrote about the rivalry between our two leaders, Sheikh Hasina and Khaleda Zia, they dubbed this as the 'battle of the Begums'. How derogatory does that sound? It implies two stereotypical bickering women, undermining the stature of these two formidable political leaders. How come the Trump and Biden's fracas were not dubbed as 'the bully and the bumbling boy', or something as inane?

Women have come a long way, but we still have a long way to go. The point is, Women's Day does not place women in opposition to man. In fact, even feminism is not something that pitches women against men (though often interpreted as such). It just strives to break down the barriers and erase those discriminatory lines, visible and invisible.

Yes, that girl of Bondhushava did have a relevant point. Why Women's Day? Indeed, no one will be happier than women themselves if there was no need for Women's Day. But as long as the son is seen as 'bongsher bati', as long as the daughter is seen as the 'do din ka mehman' (a guest in a father's house till given away in marriage), as long as eyebrows are raised about career women, as long as these toxic mindsets persist, we will celebrate Women's Day every year.

The day women's rights are achieved in all senses of the word, and the day women and men can celebrate their differences not their disparity, that is when Women's Day will become redundant. In redundancy lies its success.