Unsung heroines: Celebrating grandmothers on Mother’s Day

As we celebrate Mother’s Day, we honour the countless mothers who have nurtured, supported and shaped us. But there is a group of mothers whose love and influence often extend beyond the traditional boundaries of motherhood: the mothers of mothers- grandmothers. Often the quiet, steadfast backbone of families, grandmothers play an irreplaceable role in raising children, supporting parents, and weaving the rich tapestry of family history.

Be it as mentors, caregivers, or emotional anchors, grannies are living repositories of wisdom, a legacy of life lessons passed down through generations. Their stories of resilience, perseverance, and sacrifice have often been the foundation of the values we hold dear today. They teach us the importance of family, tradition, and cultural heritage, either through the passing down of cherished recipes or family rituals. These lessons, explicit yet subtle, gets inscribed indelibly in our identities.

I still remember my nani (maternal grandmother); how she used to pack fruits and food for my mother during her departure after a weeklong "nayor" at Nanabari. The sweet scent in her room and the fruity fragrance emanating from her old traditional almirah, where she used to store the fruits and goodies, detours me to the super nostalgia: ah that aroma....Oh I so miss my childhood!

They say memories can heal, but, sometimes, memories can both: soothe and sweep you off your feet in the midst of a very busy day; memories can even return in senses, in fragrance, in tears, in high sighs, in a jazzy smile, in laughter. Every time I give away goodies to my friends, my nieces, or even to my mother, I think of my Nani: the only granny I had, and maybe sometimes I feel her spirit in me; I become her. It is a subtle portal, yet it is a memory that I will pass on to my children as well. And maybe that’s what grandmothers do– they pass on more than just skills; they pass on memories.

In modern families, grandmothers are a safety net. This might involve anything from pampering the newborn, disciplining the toddlers, taking children to school, being their constant friend, guide, and philosopher to providing parents with much-needed moral support during difficult times.

“Growing up, I didn’t have to look far for love and guidance. My grandmother was always there for me,” shares Fahad, one of my undergrad law students. “And I couldn't get back to normal for a month after her journey to eternity.” That’s how the grannies leave their marks through their presence, even in their absence.

I never had the privilege of knowing my dadi (paternal grandmother), and yet, I often find myself longing for the bond I never had. Whenever I interact with my paternal cousins, and they recount the golden moments of their adolescence, each memory seems painted with the enchanting presence of our dadi. The stories they share are rich with the mesmerising silhouettes of her influence, a shadow that lingers long after her peaceful transition.

Grandmothers often offer calm during turbulent times and provide strength when things seem impossible. I have seen, time and again, how my chachi (aunt) becomes the emotional stabiliser of her family, especially when my brother and sister-in-law, my paternal cousins, are called away to travel out of the city or country due to work and professional preoccupations.

If I talk about my mother as a grandmother, I believe she is in the best version of her motherhood. I see my mother mending all the mistakes (yes, mums can make mistakes) that she made during her own motherhood journey. Whenever I visit my mother, I see her raising those daunting toddlers of my brothers with the trio of knowledge, wisdom, and experience all while bridging the gap between the generations.

One day, she is the best friend to her grandkids: the partner in the crime, someday she is the one who fulfills their undue demands; while on other days, she is the stern disciplinarian and at times, while being their shield and saviour.

And I see how my nieces' eyes sparkle with joy and unapologetic happiness whenever they have their first glance of their dadi in the morning, enjoying her time immersing either in prayers or in Facebook reels, and YouTube tutorials.

My nieces (who are first cousins) often fight over who gets to sleep with dadi during the afternoon nap, or who gets to be in her arms while she browses social media. Dadi is the first person they look for after returning from school, their dadi is someone who has to accompany them wherever they go and they cry their hearts out and even stop talking to dadi (out of 'obhimaan' or pique) if dadi visits some relatives or her 'baper bari' without them. Later on, dadi has to explain to the toddlers why she could not take them along and even draft policies for the future, making a mandatory clause that dadi can do many things but never repeat such audacity!

My mother is the ultimate mediator to smooth over the tiny cousins’ conflict, the forever teacher with a sense of unity and familial love. Grandmothers are the quiet forces that hold families together.

In today’s world, grandmothers are also increasingly active in their careers and personal lives. Gone are those days when we used to learn our first rhyme and the first letter from our mothers! In my family, my mother, the grandmother of the family, is the first teacher of the toddlers. She has taught them their first letters, has been the constant lullaby singer, and the one who takes care of their post-maghrib study sessions. Nowadays many grandmothers are tech-savvy, as is my mother, offering guidance on social media, teaching their grandchildren about technology, and even becoming influencers in their own right.

“I think being a grandmother today is thoroughly different than it was in the past,” says my mother, the best grandmother in the making, a grandmother of two (or maybe more if I get married, hahaha!). “We’re living in a digital age, and I want to be part of my grandkids’ lives in the same way I was when I raised my own children. I want to send them texts, share funny videos, and even Facetime with them regularly in the future, the way I do with you”.

While technology has changed how we interact, the core role of grandmothers remains the same: to love, support, and mentor the generations that follow. They may be a bit more connected digitally these days, but their hearts are just as devoted as ever.

This Mother’s Day, as we celebrate mothers, let’s also take a moment to honour the grandmothers whose love knows no bounds. Whether they are imparting wisdom, offering emotional support, or caring for grandchildren, grandmothers continue to shape the family unit in powerful, lasting ways. Their influence is immeasurable, and their legacy will live on through every story told, every meal shared, and every lesson learned.

To all the grandmothers out there—thank you. Your love and sacrifices are deeply appreciated, and your role in our lives is forever cherished.