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The void left by her will never be fulfilled and our home does not feel like a home anymore! It is shrouded by fond memories of our time together but instantly turned melancholic by her departure. The beautiful past echoes the lovely times that made it a home and the present instantly reminds me of the harsh reality that she is no longer here with me and it is a bygone era, never to return. All I am left with is the wonderful memories of our time together! As I am writing this, I am again on the verge of tears and the pain that I am feeling was never felt before. I am screaming inside in pain and despair, with a ballistic cocktail of emotions that is about to explode! Angry at her for leaving us so abruptly, which I think is very rude even after promising me at the ICU of her hospital that she will return home. Part of me has gone numb, as if I am drowning in morphine or a local anesthesia left me paralysed. My entire world has flipped over and my perception of life has totally changed, everything feels so temporary! She was taken from me so suddenly and I am here all alone!

Mum always dreamt big and installed this habit amongst us, all her children and dear ones. Not just to dream big but also to work and strive hard to make such dreams come true. She always provided us selflessly with opportunities that she herself was deprived of; one of them was education abroad. I have spent significant years of my life abroad engaging in self-development, thanks to my mother and father. We were continents apart yet I never felt far off from her. We were connected through work, studies and research, her promotional work internationally or in some other way. Technological innovations made communication easier and we would convey our feelings from faraway lands with ease.

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Red letter days, like that of birthdays or Eid were obviously special and I have fond memories of Eid, when she tirelessly began to make food preparations the night before Eid, so that we would be welcomed back with a feast, as soon as we returned from the mosque. Her culinary skills were exemplary, not saying that solely because she was my mother but rather echoing the torrent of compliments that were showered on her by others. She welcomed us back each Eid from the mosque with an enormous feast, which she tirelessly engaged herself in from the night before and throughout the day, she still had energy to participate in playing games or engaging in conversations with her dear ones. Still unfathomable, that she will not be here during Eid, which makes me want to have Eid postponed!

Eid or any day with her was something memorable, as she was a ball of positive energy that would enlighten anyone’s day! Often on Eid, we would engage in light banter and play games, especially when we were very young. She adored children and would create such an atmosphere to entertain kids that everyone wanted to be a part of our household, and there would not be any shortage of visitors. Flowers, balloons, firecrackers were some of the merry making ingredients that she would acquire for us to celebrate Eid!

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I miss her to bits every single second, albeit not having lived in the same continent for a long while or even spending every single minute together being in the same home. Her presence was felt everywhere and she were like a protective umbrella for us all. Currently, I am on the mend from Covid19 pneumonia and I terribly miss her helping us whilst being ill and to be honest, in the last few years, we were constantly bothered by a few individuals that wanted to take over our home by force. There were incidents where she was even assaulted and I was there to protect her, and I have grave concerns that these individuals will take their chances with me, as the court cases lodged against them are far from over and the criminal investigation regarding her assault was never properly done andwas being constantly postponed even after numerous complaints and general diaries against the culprits. They are already showing signs of noncooperation, and what she made look so easy is proving to be such a cumbersome task for me . May I have her strength and support from heaven in combatting any such obstacles!

* Shaker Chisty is the elder son of the recently departed actress Sarah Begum Kabori

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