Living on autopilot: Depersonalization and feeling unreal

Those who suffer from depersonalization commonly experience a sense of unreality, a feeling of being out of control, as if life is a fever dream. This condition makes people feel as if they are outside their bodies, with their soul and body disconnected. While detaching from the world might seem like a superpower in unwanted situations, it is a curse to always remain detached from reality.

Depersonalization is a psychological condition where individuals experience a sense of detachment from their body, thoughts, or feelings. Millions of people worldwide have faced this condition, but few know its name. Depersonalization is classified in the DSM-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) as a dissociative disorder. People who suffer from it often describe feeling as though their hands or other body parts don’t belong to them, as if they are observing themselves from the outside.

Reality starts to fade away, and anxiety and panic attacks take over. Their own voices sound unfamiliar, and they feel like strangers to themselves. This strangeness extends to their surroundings, as if their memory and perception of time are fragmenting. Many people report that after experiencing depersonalization, their lives are never the same. It’s as if they lose their ability to enjoy life or feel comfort, and these “as ifs” haunt them in the scariest way possible.

Let’s explore why depersonalization happens. DDD (Depersonalization-derealization disorder) is a defence mechanism of the brain against stress, an escape from reality in response to threats to mental peace. It can be considered a blessing in disguise, as it tries to protect you. However, since many are unaware of this, they often avoid rather than accept the feeling. Some describe their experience with depersonalization as dreamlike in the worst way, feeling as though they observe themselves from others’ perspectives, unable to control anything about themselves.

They may feel numbness throughout their body and even hit themselves to check if they can still feel their own body. The concept of “feeling” becomes distant and dreamlike, beyond their control. People who have suffered from childhood trauma, particularly emotional abuse, are most likely to experience this condition, which can also be triggered by physical abuse and anxiety disorders.

The term "depersonalization" first appeared in the nineteenth century, but it remains misunderstood by many. According to several studies, depersonalization disorder is one of the most common yet underdiagnosed mental conditions. Misdiagnosis often increases anxiety in sufferers, leaving them unsure of what is happening and feeling as though they are going mad. Many only realize they are not alone after connecting with others experiencing the same symptoms in forums. When COVID began and people were confined to their homes with only their thoughts, more individuals became aware of this strange phenomenon. The constant sense of emptiness and numbness caused reality to fade, and uncertainty became unbearable. Many are afraid to share their symptoms with loved ones, fearing they won’t be understood and may be considered mad.

A study conducted by G Sedman (The British Journal of Psychiatry) in 1972, compared 15 patients with DDD to 15 healthy people without any medical conditions. Tests showed that people with DDD performed significantly worse on measures of attention and short-term visual and verbal memory. While DDD itself is not harmful, it can be distressing and affect daily life. Treatment includes therapy and sometimes medication prescribed by specialists.

To this day, there is no way to completely eliminate this feeling of detachment, but it can be reduced to certain levels. According to several studies, avoiding depersonalization often increases panic, worsening the condition. People suffering from it are advised to accept the feeling of detachment, and it will gradually subside on its own. This feeling of detachment can last from seconds to months and even years, eventually affecting one's life. The sense of not being "real" or present can create barriers to engaging with life fully and can contribute to feelings of hopelessness or despair. If you can’t calm yourself in any possible way, it might indicate that the underlying reason for DDD may be more severe mental conditions, and that is when it is necessary to seek help from professionals.

Raising awareness about mental conditions like DDD is crucial. This not only enhances the life of the sufferer but also reminds them that they will be able to reach out for help when needed. Sometimes a person can feel a lot better just by knowing that they are not alone in the darkest depths of despair. Sometimes all they need is a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, a voice to tell them that they will be okay, and a listener to remind them that they are, indeed, not alone.

Nufaiysa M Rahman is an 11th grader of Dhaka City College, nufaiysa.m.rahman@gmail.com